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The Land of Ilvar: The Forgotten (Prologue)

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Joined: 04 Apr 2009
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:12 am
Post subject: The Land of Ilvar: The Forgotten (Prologue)
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OK, so here's the prologue. It's not too long, but I don't think it is too short either. Any feedback you give will be greatly appreciated.


Erus lifted his head slightly and rested his eyes upon the horizon. The sun would soon descend from sight, and the land would be plunged into the darkness of the night. Returning his attention back to the small camp, Erus found that Niveus was biting his thumb nail, a nervous look in his eye.

Niveus’ pale skin seemed to glow in the encroaching darkness, and his pink eyes seemed dimmer than usual. His white hair had also lost some of its lustre since beginning the journey.

“No. Not yet. It is soon,” Niveus muttered, his eyes darting back and forth.

Sighing, Erus took up his whetstone and began sharpening the first of his array of daggers. These daggers were special to him, having been given to him by his mentor. Each one was slightly longer than the last, the longest being roughly seven inches. The hilt of each dagger was engraved with a different symbol, in an ancient language that few could now understand.

Once all of the daggers had been sharpened, Erus lay them aside once again and decided that he had better get some sleep.

“Niveus, time to go to sleep,” Erus muttered. Suddenly, Niveus’ head snapped up, and his eyes stared intently into his own.

A few moments passed and Niveus sighed with resignation, and then lay down upon the ground. Erus followed suit, and had soon drifted into a half-conscious state.

Through this half-conscious state, Erus was still aware of everything around him that emitted a life force. Almost immediately, he was aware of Niveus’ life force and the life forces of small insects around. Once confident that he would not be disturbed, Erus reached out further, noting the presence of the trees they had passed the previous day, and the animals that slept peacefully upon the forest floor.

Erus picked up speed. Soon he was out of the forest and into the swampy region they had reached a few days ago. There was little life force present in this remote place; only the various plants and bugs that prospered in such a place. He reached lush fields. Fields of crops. He reached houses. He reached villages. The outskirts of the town. He reached dense clusters of houses.

Erus slowed his mind down, the life forces of those around him becoming more prominent. He caught surface thoughts, and glimpses of dreams.

..doesn’t matter. It’s all in the…

…going to do this? It doesn’t…

He paid less attention to these minds and sought one in particular. He found that mind in one house among many, all of which appeared exactly the same on the outside. He approached the mind, and began to hear surface thoughts.

...minute now. But he’s normally much earlier than this. I hope nothing happened to-

-Greetings Amic, Erus sent toward the mind.

There was a moment’s pause.

-Erus? Amic sent back.

-Yes, friend. How have you been?

-I’ve been fine. What really matters is how you have been. Have you found it yet? Are you close?

-Well, I have felt it presence through scouting ahead during Mind-trances, but only a glimpse. So I fear we have some way to go.

There was another pause.

-How has Niveus been?

-He’s held up fine so far, but I fear the closer we get, the more his mind will be affected. .Since leaving the forest, he has been arguing with himself much more, and he has become more irrational. I fear for his health, Amic

-And you have every right to be. If it gets much worse, you may have to send him back to me.
-Yes. I will keep that in mind. For now, I must leave. Goodbye, Amic.

-Goodbye, Erus.

With that, Erus withdrew his mind, and made his way back to his body. Niveus will not last much longer, and when the time comes, I need to take care of him myself.
"I do not want your trust, I want your obedience!"
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