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E is for Enigma



Joined: 22 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 23, 2010 6:18 pm
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Hullo all!

This post isn't so much about asking for review of a story so much as help in creating one--or at least helping me fill in a few plotholes and missing pieces. I've been looking for someone who might be willing to listen to what I've got thus far, offer suggestions for improvement, and who might also want similar feedback for their own ideas. I find that I create best when I'm working with another person, and would be deeply indebted to whomever wanted to oblige me.

At present, I have two stories that need a little more fleshing--The Road to Emeredian (based loosely on The Wizard of Oz, with more magic and less stereotypical hero/villain characters) and Princeless (about Sleeping Beauty's younger sister's journey to find her a prince to wake her up).

Let the fishing begin! *casts line*
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LunaRaven



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PostPosted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 9:01 pm
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I love pointing out plot holes. Bring on the stories!
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E is for Enigma



Joined: 22 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 2:04 pm
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Brilliant! Which story looks more interesting to you?
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LunaRaven



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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 6:03 am
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Well, I would honestly like more details about both. Let's start with the Wizard of Oz inspired story, since I'm a huge OZ fan myself. How much are you drawing from the books/movie? Is it just the concept of someone being swept away into a magical land and needing to go on a journey to find the way home? Or do you take a little more from the original story? Like names,places, and methods(such as getting to said magical land via twister)?
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E is for Enigma



Joined: 22 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 28, 2010 6:11 pm
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I've only ever read the one 'Wizard of Oz' book, but of course the movie is a huge part of my childhood. It's hard for me to answer succinctly what I drew from them in terms of inspiration. I liked book-Dorothy better simply because she was more of a confident character and more the 'American Heroine' than was movie-Dorothy. But that's beside the point. I have four lead characters much like Dorothy and her three companions in that one comes from a cornfield, one is a walking metal suit, and the third is in the body of something very much like a lion, and they're on 'The Road to Emeredian', which is the title of the story, to find this all-powerful figure who might be able to help them with their troubles. There is also a Witch in the West who has been amassing forces to take over the land of Emeredian and is after my Dorothy figure (named Nadie) for a silver-and-ruby ring she took from the Witch who was terrorizing an Eastern country when she arrived. It's all very long-winded and detailed, not to mention interconnected. The element of 'wanting to go home' is still there, subtly, but in the end, Nadie realizes that she was meant to be a part of this place all along, and stays. The 'getting there by twister' I've actually managed to retain, though in a different fashion. In this case, Nadie kind of IS the twister. Like I've implied, it's all very much more complicated than that, but there you have it. Any more questions?
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LunaRaven



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PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:09 pm
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I have a boat load of questions actually. Let's start with the beginning of the story. Does Nadie come from our world, or a world similar to ours? What era is she of? We've already discussed that she came to the Oz-esque world through twister(one that she somehow caused herself or was the driving force behind). But where does her journey in this Oz begin? Does she kill a witch upon arrival? Is there a Glenda-like figure helping her along the way? Are there munchkin like characters? What points her towards this Road to Emeredian(Emeredian I assume is like Emerald City)?How did Nadie find take the ring from the witch? Is the road to Emeredian yellow or made of bricks? Perhpas it could have once been yellow or golden, but it lost it's color after travelers wore it down with passage.

I'd also like more information about your Scarecrow,Tin Man, and Lion inspired characters. Are they looking for the same things the original trio were looking for in the book? What makes them want to travel with Nadie? Also, are there still flying monkies?
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E is for Enigma



Joined: 22 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 30, 2010 3:50 am
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Questions, questions, I do love questions! ^_^

The world in which the story takes place is similar to our own, but more like one of those fantasy alternate universe type things where the map is my own. Nadie hails from a place I've yet to rename from its original imagining, 'Sierra's Knack'. A dry but seasonally hot and cold climate with little running water. Mostly hills and plains of stone and rubble and dirt, with mud-type houses and stick-like trees and bushes. Maybe some grassland, like old-west type. The era is medieval-ish. No gunpoweder. But there is magic--just not in Nadie's part of the world. Where she comes from, people believe in magic about as much as they believe in it today in our world. Most find it to be superstitious nonsense, others that it has to do with the spirit or the gods. Whatever it is, the people of the Sierra tribe have never seen anything like what Nadie can do, and likely never will again.

Nadie can manipulate wind--sort of. When she was a child, and didn't know any better, she used it against a kid who was teasing her and hurt him. She was so shocked and appalled by what she had done, she shut away the power and any emotions associated with it. But bottling it up only made it stronger over the years, and the only way it had learned to let itself out was when she was threatened. It took on a life of its own, and eventually became powerful enough to let itself out of her when she came into situations of high emotion or trauma. One such incident caused the Gale (as Nadie knows it, as it has almost its own alternate personality as a faint voice in her head) to wreak havoc on the village when raiders came--the winds drove the raiders away, touching no villager, but destroyed property and crops, leading some to injury and leaving the village nearly to starve. She was driven out.

Nadie travels for a while, looking for a way to atone for what she's done--ideally, to get rid of this thing inside her that has caused so much grief. But she becomes so disheartened in her journey that she nearly gives up hope and wanders recklessly into a desert. When she collapses from the heat, the Gale picks her up in the form of a whirlwind and carts her off to the nearest water source it can find--which happens to be a massive torrent being caused by a water Witch in this strange magical land, separated from the normal world on this side by the desert Nadie attempted to traverse. In an act of pure self-preservation--and perhaps a little greed on the Gale's part--the winds magically suck the water from the Witch, which is basically what makes her up (long-winded reasoning for this to take place at a later date) and drains her until there is nothing left but her clothing. The Witch had been terrorizing a canyon-wall village with her rains, attempting to dissolve it, and when the whirlwind is commanded to halt by the local guardian Witch, the people take an unconscious Nadie into their village.

There are two figures in this story who could be construed as Glinda-figures, or at least good witches, and neither of them helps Nadie ALL along the way. The first is the local Witch of this canyon village, called Maluk. She's an old woman, a water Mage known as Nona. She explains to Nadie where she is and what she's done, hears out the girl's quest, and tells her to go to Emeredian--the city of their greatest minds, who actually work with the manipulation of magic and the soul, and might be able to solve her problems. But she also asks Nadie to take with her a silver-and-ruby ring which was the source of the terrorist Witch's power and life force, to be given to officials at Emeredian for safe keeping. The other Glinda figure is a woman named Gwen who was another Guardian Witch for another province, but who fought and was defeated by the Western Witch, Caeron.

There are no Munchkins.

There is no yellow-brick road, either. I originally thought that the ring could be magic, and when you slipped it on, you saw the golden path to your heart's truest desire. But that no longer makes sense. Perhaps Nadie could acquire a spell from one of the friendly families she stays with along the way that gives her the vision of a golden ray pointing the way, or gets a paper map, on which is drawn a golden path to guide the way. That one's up for discussion.

To keep things as brief as possible for now (as I haven't done too well thus far), the companions are basically thus. Scarecrow's new name has been changing every few weeks, and I'd really love some help on finding something that fits him, but 'Ian' is the most recent. He's a water mage of some talent but little training, since he's poor and belongs to a farmer's family. Nadie helps awaken his dreams to become a great mage and he thinks she could use someone to help her get to Emeredian (where the great mage universities are). The Tin Man is, in short, the resurrected soul of a talented armorer who has possessed his own enchanted armor, crafted in the depth of the ongoing war with the Western Witch Caeron and her armies. His name is Antonin, and he follows Nadie because she and Ian helped resurrect him, and because he's looking for someone who was lost to him in the war, and also the one who killed him. The Cowardly Lion is a tribal prince, Vana Kiraj, in the southwestern lands who was undergoing a ritual which tests the tribe's innate ability to see through the eyes of beasts (strongest in the royal line) which would also prove his ability to lead, by possessing the greatest of beasts (a fictional creature I've got the visual for but not the name). It's enough like a soul transfer that his body is left defenseless when Caeron's forces roll in, collecting men and boys to add to her army, taking their women and children as hostages, and destroying all those who would oppose her. In the process, the prince's human body is destroyed, his soul and consciousness trapped in the beast, though, like many enchanted beasts in this land, he can still speak. And when he meets anyone worth talking to, he calls himself 'Vajra', so no one will know the shame he suffers for being too much of a coward to defend his people. His reason for following Nadie is a little more complicated, but it has to do with his identifying with her need for redemption.

Also, yes. There are flying monkeys. They are called Kepi and they, among many other bastard creatures, are creations by Caeron's team of... well these people who fuse together creatures to make new ones. I've yet to come up with a sufficient title for them.

Does that answer your questions? :)
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LunaRaven



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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 8:34 am
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Name suggestions for the Scarecrow:

Rone(Roan)
Draven(meaning Crow)
Zeki(I think it's pronounced like Zeke, meaning intelligent)
Cuinn(pronounced Kwin, meaning intelligent)
Hubert(means intelligent)
Quinn(means wise)
Ramhart(means might or intelligent)
Ailfrid(pronounced as Alfred, meaning intelligent)
Aldrick(means wise ruler)
Beathas(pronounced ba-ha meaning wise or water)
Druce(I think it's pronounced as Drew, meaning wise)
Eldridge(old/wise ruler)
Elvern(elf-wise friend)
Hakeem(wise)
Conway(water)
Lake(the meaning is sort of self-explanatory)
Nereus(meaning water. I've heard it pronounced NEER-oos and NEER-ee-as)
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TamAlthor
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 9:02 am
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Curious, as the Wizard of Oz is a known story in our world, as the Nadie is going though a similiar exerience or quest, is there also a legend or story in Nadie's world that also contains the same achetypes and plot as the wizard of Oz? perhaps if such a legend or story exist the scarecrow is called a golem?

Very intersting plot and story BTW, keep it up guy!

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E is for Enigma



Joined: 22 Jun 2010
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PostPosted: Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:22 pm
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@LunaRaven: thanks for the suggestions. Conway sounds like a contender to me.

@TamAlthor: In Nadie's world, there are a few legends about the land she eventually comes to explore, but none like 'The Wizard of Oz'. And the Scarecrow character is actually the only human of her three companions--the Tin Man is something like a golem, though.
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Vilya



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PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:04 pm
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I don't even like the Wizard of Oz that well but this story of yours seems compelling. Can't wait for you to post a little teaser of it on here. If it were me I would personally go with the spell that sends out a golden ray when she needs to see it. A map just seems too linear...and a little Dora the Explorer...lol. All in all I am very excited to see where you take this.
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E is for Enigma



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PostPosted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 2:06 pm
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I'm glad you like the sound of it, Vilya! I'd love to oblige you with a teaser--but I'm not sure what you mean. Would that be like the blurb you find in the back of the book, or a preview of the story itself, like a chapter segment? ^_^U

Also, I liked the 'golden ray' path idea a lot as well, I'm just no longer sure how to get it in there. Of course, I had the idea that Nadie would visit another family on her way out of Maluk, just to get her more comfortable with the idea of this place and the people in it. I suppose one of them could offer her an artifact which would do much the same....
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Vilya



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PostPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 1:07 pm
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What I meant by teaser was a chapter, or an excerpt of one. I would like to see your writing style, interactions between these characters. I think that this must be a fun book to write, and I wish you all the luck in the world.
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E is for Enigma



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PostPosted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 1:34 pm
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Ah, thank you, Vilya! I'd love to get an excerpt up. I did start writing the story, but that was before it went through several transformations to make it several more steps removed from the original story. So basically, I've got twelve chapters of outline with outdated characters. ^_^U

I'm working on my new characters as much as I can, to get things straight so I can get on writing it again--which is why I came here to see if anyone could help me out.
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LunaRaven



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 12:19 am
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E is for Enigma wrote:
Ah, thank you, Vilya! I'd love to get an excerpt up. I did start writing the story, but that was before it went through several transformations to make it several more steps removed from the original story. So basically, I've got twelve chapters of outline with outdated characters. ^_^U

I'm working on my new characters as much as I can, to get things straight so I can get on writing it again--which is why I came here to see if anyone could help me out.


By the by we never did go into your second idea. The one about sleeping beauty's sister. I'd like to hear about that. *sqwuak*
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E is for Enigma



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:04 am
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Ah! Thank you for reminding me, Luna!

Yes, "Princeless" is the tale of young Princess Margaret or 'Maggie' and her journey across her home country to find the Prince who will awaken her beloved elder sister Rosalind with a kiss of true love. You see, since their mother was a young girl, their family has always been in favor with the Fae people, who who have magical connections to mortal fates. As a gift on Rosalind's sixteenth birthday, the elder princess asked to have a ball at which she might meet a young prince or knight suitable for her hand in marriage and then challenge them to claim it by reenacting one of her favorite fairy stories--of The Sleeping Beauty--and putting everyone in the castle in a Fae sleep of sweet dreams until her prince comes to wake her. The spell seems to work splendidly on everyone in the castle--they all dream themselves into a most pleasant respite, with the aid of Fae magic--except for the younger princess, who keeps having the same dream over and over. She grows quickly bored of this, and so decides to finish that book in the library she'd been looking at instead. After that book was finished, she looked for another she'd had her eye on, and another and another until she'd gone through all the books in the palace. All but for one--her sister's diary. But when she goes to open it, a sheet of paper falls out. It's a list of the five suitors Rosalind chose as her champions. Suddenly, Maggie begins to wonder--why haven't any of them come yet?

The brunt of the story begins when Maggie finds out that far too much time has passed for none of Rosalind's champions to have yet tried for the castle--and also that the Steward they placed in charge of their affairs has been plotting with some foreigner to take it over by using a law that rules if a royal family descends their throne for too long, it falls to the steward for permanent rulership. After trying unsuccessfully to wake her family and the palace staff, Maggie goes into the woods to appeal to the Fae--whose hands are also tied. Once a spell is laid, it is up to mortals to undo it. A law among the Fae is that every spell is laid with a certain condition to undo it--and that only a mortal can meet that condition and break the spell. So Maggie does what she believes she has to--she goes out to find her sister's true love.

Over the course of the story, Maggie meets and assesses each of Rosalind's choices, and finds that they've been waylayed by some odd distraction or obstacle. She usually helps them to overcome or understand it better, but finds in the end that each of her sister's choices could not devote their heart to Rosalind--and thus could not break the spell. She also meets several interesting characters, including a Damsel, a Man who was once a Cat, and a Changeling boy, all of whom I have worked out as characters, but none of which I know how best to integrate. I also have all of Rosalind's champions lined up, as well as the Villain who seeks to sabotage Rosalind's championship trial and claim the kingdom for herself by way of the steward she's managed to manipulate.

It's a rather complex tale, with several stories weaved into the vein of Maggie's journey, which might take their own paths later on, but I'm trying now to map out where they all intersect. I would greatly appreciate any help a member here might be able to grant me.
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Vilya



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PostPosted: Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:01 pm
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I would be willing to help if you have some specific question.
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